So you think you're kinky? Let's test that.

Contrary to public opinion, being kinky is not all about whips, chains, and feather ticklers (unless, of course, you're into all of that). I think this misconception is what scares a lot of people away from the kinky lifestyle. A lot of kinksters are actually not into masochism and inflicting pain or are less so than you think.

So what then is kink about?

Kink is whatever type of sex deviates from vanilla sex. Kink is seizing your pleasure for yourself, dipping your leg in the water past the everyday concept of what people think sex is, and doing sex on your terms. But to do this, you often need a wholesome knowledge of your pleasures, which often consist of your kinks and fetishes. And the way to do it is to truly ask yourself, "What gets me going?" and be unafraid to explore.

My personal motto is "Life is too short not to engage in kinky sex.”

Now, let's get into kinks and fetishes.

What turns a person on often differs from one person to another. It consists of social composition, biological composition, genetics (yes, kinks are largely hereditary; yes, your grandfather likes hot wax in his ass too), and some badassery.

Usually, the best way to approach the concept of exploring your kink is to be open until you are not. You cannot have a hard limit if you don't even know that it exists. Conversely, the way to know what you like is by trying new things and exploring things. Exploration can be solo, with a partner, or with multiple partners.

Another big misconception about kink is that it is a substitute for therapy. Wrong. If you need professional help, please go get it. It's important to note, however, that some kinksters have reported that exploring their kink and interests is a way of reclaiming power for themselves and has helped them in ways therapy couldn't. For instance, a victim of sexual assault may find solace in CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) or degradation. The psychology is in knowing that they hold the power to safeword at any time and that it is only happening because they chose to, on their own terms. I reckon that's a healthy way to process your trauma.

But you don’t need trauma to be kinky. Kink is an expression of humanity, and it just so happens to be expressed solely in sex.

Your prejudice about kink most likely came from the shame and hush-hush way in which people talk about sex. You grow accustomed to this; your brain subconsciously starts internalising sex as shameful. Now imagine the thoughts that will spring into your head when you learn that not only are people shamelessly indulging in sex, but they are deviating from the “acceptable” kind of sex you know and taking it several steps further to incorporate new things and really enjoy their sex life. You're not the problem; society is. But you will be if you don't deconstruct society's opinion.

But I like normal sex.

And that's valid, cuz. Not everyone is cut out for seven positions in seven minutes, and that's fine. Same way not everyone even wants to have sex to start with. Asexual people are peeping in the chat. Not to mention that what constitutes pleasure for everyone is solely subjective.

Now back to the original question that brought us before I bore you with ADHD rot: Am I a kinky person?

First, if this question has been living rent-free in your head so much that you looked up this article, chances are you are. But in case you are looking for more validation, here are some questions you need to ask yourself:

Am I having fun in my sex life? Yes. Could it be better?

Do I have desires that aren't mainstream?

Can I tell my friends that I'm into this (insert kink(s) of choice)?

If I could make a wish and have the most willing, non-judgmental, curious, and wildest sexual partner imaginable, what are the things I'd like them to do to me? And what would I like to do to them?

If you remember the art of being honest with yourself, you'll find the answers you need. To be kinky is to be curious and open-minded. Some things will work for you, and some others will absolutely not. But you need to open your mind to know.

Now, go have all the open-minded sex your curious heart desires.